One Of The Best Days of My Life

This blog might be irrelevant to whoever is reading this but if this somewhat interests you then keep reading it gets good.

Okay so yesterday I went to a meetup for Hayes Grier but there was also Twan Kuyper, some guy who I found out is named Charles Gitnick, another guy who I found out is named Neels Visser, and Tez. I took a picture with all of them and that Charles guy got mad at me.

My friend went to the event at 7 AM to get a good spot in line, which she did thank you very much, and then I arrived at 10 and snuck into line with her. For the two hours we spent in the line outside I met two fun girls and we ended up laughing a lot and making friends with the security guard ( Robert but we call him Rob ) Fast forward to one and a half hours later when a car drives by and we see Tez' face popping out of the window with Hayes right next to him. I almost died in the moment of seeing him in a car I'm not sure how I survived the meeting part of it. Then they let us in, told us some ground rules, and got us into more lines. The second Hayes walked out, I screamed "OH MY GOD YOU'RE REAL OH mY GOD" and that is quite evident in the video. The meet and greet started and Hayes was taking pictures and sometimes answering when people yelled at him ( I tried to do so but it only worked once ) I yelled "YO HAYES" and he looked at me and said "Hey I like your shirt." and I almost cried. Soon enough, it was my turn but I had to go through Twan, Charles, Neels, and Tez first. When I met Twan I said "Hey how you doin man" and he said "Good, what about you" and I don't think I need to write out my answer. We took a picture and I was about to move on when he said "NO that's a bad one lets do it again" and we did. Next up was that Charles guy ( he got so mad at me ), so I walked up to him and me thinking I'm funny said "Hey look I'm taller than you" and laughed about it for the ten seconds it took to take a picture. Well...what do you expect I didn't know who he was. The conversation with Neels was similar to the one with Twan so not really anything to say there. After him was Tez, who should remember me as the girl who greeted him with "YO FAMMM WHATS UP HOW ARE YOU DOING BRO" and then we acted all trap for the next fifteen seconds. I told my mom to record me going up to Hayes and hugging him ( BEST HUG OF MY LIFE ). We talked for a bit and he signed my phone case and hugged me like four times and then that darn security guard ( not Rob, Rob's chill ) was like "Ma'am you need to leave there are more people in line" and so Hayes hugged me on more time and we said bye and I think my life is complete now. JKDFHSLDFGLA IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY AND IM NOT OVER IT OMG.

really bad puns part three

m8

Let's get down to business ( to defeat the Huns )

OK I'm just one living joke...

- I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden without explanation. It just doesn't make any cents

- I like Tubbs. Go ahead and Neko At-Sue Me

- My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4

- Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side

- Waiting for death takes a lifetime

- I got some shoes from my drug dealer recently, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

- My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

- How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it

- What do you call an intergalactic romance?
A space-ship

- A guy walks into a bar and noticed three pieces of meat hanging off the ceiling, He asks the bartender why they're there, the bartender replies "if you can jump up and slap the meat you get free drinks for the rest of the night, however if you miss you have to pay for everyone's drink in the next hour. Wanna try it?" The guy says "Nah the steaks are too high"

- How do you greet a German Pastry Chef?
Gluten Tag

- Why was Dumbo sad?
He felt irrelephant.

- Traveling on a carpet is a rugged experience.

- What do French people call a sad Thursday?
A tra-Jeudi

- I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

- I've never understood the fashion industry, those people are so clothes-minded...

- Why didn't the skeleton go through with the robbery?
He had no guts.

- Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep an ion them.

I mean who needs friends at this point....

One Direction - The Most Problematic Band In The Universe

I'm not exaggerating in the slightest bit.

If you haven't heard yet, One Direction began their 18-month hiatus on December 13, 2015 with an unforgettable performance on the stage where they started ( Harry wore a really expensive Gucci suit on that day...unforgettable ). You would think, since One Direction is now on a break, directioners would have a break from the darn drama of this band but nOoOoOoO. We've got Louis with Babygate/Briana and Danielle, Harry with Kendall, Niall with Selena, and Liam with his solo music.

Louis

Babygate - Let me just say there is a 99.9999% that this is fake so I will explain what it is and how its fake. In July of 2015, the media announced that Louis Tomlinson got an LA stylist pregnant and it was supposedly confirmed on Good Morning America when he said its an exciting time ( by the way, the other boys' faces when he said that proved enough ). At that time it was said that she was pregnant for about 5 months so she was pregnant for almost a year ( around 10-11 months ). Also her "baby bump" is on and off and pictures of her clubbing and a sex tape were released ( #OhNoBriana ).
UPDATE 1/23/16: THE CHILD HAS BEEN BORN LOUIS TWEETED ABOUT IT WITH MANY SMILEY FACES...I'M VERY SURPRISED.  https://twitter.com/Louis_Tomlinson/status/690859667224928256

Harry

This boy. I swear to god he's supposed to be married to Louis not on a yacht with Kendall Jenner ( even though she is the least problematic of those freakin Kardashians ) They were on a yacht in St Barts where the paps snapped pictures of them together ( and under a towel I wonder what happened there :O ) This is obviously a PR stunt because they weren't trying to hide from the paps. They knew they would be seen and Harry is obviously married to Louis ( if in fact Larry isn't real I'm crawling into a hole okay )

Niall

The bread. He went to Santa Monica with Selena Gomez ( queen queen queen ) and went on a couple of rides and took her to the X-Factor finale where One Direction began and paused ( it hurts to type "ended" ) instead of his brother Greg. Okay well this isn't much of a problem because I ship it a lot but damn these boys don't give us a break.

Liam

At home with his dogs and writing songs.

May it always be like that.


I think I proved my point.

One Direction-The Most Problematic Band In The Universe

Top 5 Songs I Think Actually Have Meaning And Not That Superfical Horrible Stuff On The Radio

As you can tell by the title, this is about songs and meaning. I'm not sure why I came up with this but it's 11 pm and I need to write something. 

#5. Invisible - 5 Seconds Of Summer. 

- Pretty much the lyrics, "Who am I, who am I, when I don't know myself. Who am I, who am I, invisible."

- Also, the song is written as a suicide note. 

#4. Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez. 

- The lyrics, "Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen", shows that things aren't always the way they seem, no matter how perfect it looks. 

#3. Home - One Direction 

- "You'll never feel like you're alone, I'll make this seem like home"...well I'm going to be alone since that 18 month break started today. The lyric explains itself. 

#2. Last First Kiss - One Direction

- The writer ( I'll guess Louis ) wants to be the only one his lover ( 99.999% sure Harry ) will be with, hence the title "Last First Kiss". 

#1 - Love You Goodbye - One Direction

- This song makes me want to tear my heart out with a fork and feed it to a lion...okay maybe that's an exaggeration but the point is this makes me emotional. 

- "Oh, why you wearin' that to walk out of my life". Honestly that may be the saddest lyric I have ever heard. 

- "My heart's already breakin' baby go on twist the knife". The damage is done son. EVERYTHING HAS TORN APART noTHING WILL CHANGE THAT SO TWIST THE KNIFE. 

I swear I listen to more than One Direction but I'm a hardcore directioner. 

Tom And Jerry

Okay so you probably read the title of this blog and thought "oh god this is going to be the worst two to three minutes of my life because this crazy weirdo is going to talk about cartoons". I've had one problem with this show and that is all the remakes Cartoon Network and Boomerang show. The Tom And Jerry Show is literally a disgrace to the universally known show that both my parents love and somehow forced me to like without me knowing it. Back to the point, THE TOM AND JERRY SHOW IS A DISGRACE  TO EVERY CARTOON CREATED BECAUSE JERRY AND HIS LITTLE MOUSE FRIEND/COMPANION/STUDENT DOESN'T TALK AND NEITHER DOES TOM. This disgrace is also happening with other cartoon classics like Looney Tunes and that other cartoon with the wolf and the roadrunner. Now they have The Looney Tunes Show which is another disgrace ( not as much because I actually enjoy it ) but it is different than the original.

really bad puns part two

Oh well maybe this is why I'm not punpular.

Okay well on with the puns.

Credit to tumblr for proving how lame I can be.

- a friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

- what did the grape say when it got stepped on?
nothing but it let out a little wine

- the roundest night at King Arther's round table was Sir Cumference.

- What A Feeling it must be to be staring at him Walking In The Wind at the End Of The Day he could Drag Me Down even the Long Way Down and I wouldn't care. God, he could mess up my name and call me Olivia and I'd be like okay that's cool man. He'd probably give it a temporary fix and be like Hey Angel I'm really sorry about that so you know I'm going to Love You, Goodbye.
BUY MADE IN THE AM ON ITUNES ( not exactly a pun but made in the am came out yesterday and it sounds like freakin heaven )

- Alexander sends you chain emails?

Alexander Spamilton.

Alexander buys designer clothes?

Alexander DAMNilton.

Alexander takes public transportation?

Alexander Tramilton.

Alexander helps a bro out?

Alexander Familton.

Alexander listens to the latest pop hits? ( made in the am )

Alexander Jamilton.

- what is it called when you put eggs in a console disc tray?

a console eggsclusive

- dammit where did my pencil go...to Pennsylvania...on a Pennsylvacation.

- how many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?

3.14 ( :O she makes math puns too :O )

- I work at Best Buy and this famous lady came in to buy a cool laptop. it was a Dell.

- are you hungary

you should czech the fridge

are you russian to the kitchen

is there any turkey in there

you know you cant eat it if it has greece on it

- where did noah keep his bees

in the ark hives

- what happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up?

it becomes daytrogen

....I'm going to bed

good nitrogen

sleep tightrogen

don't let the bed bugs bitrogen.

- I had a joke about murder that would've killed but I'm sure you're all sick to death of those.

- elevators are so annoying they drive me up the wall

- Me 30 years from now

Mom: I'll talk to you later, love you - goodbye

Me: hey heY HEY

Me: OH WHY YOU WEARIN THAT TO WALK OUT OF MY LIFE

Mom: k now I remember why I haven't called you in so long

( BUY MADE IN THE AM ON ITUNES )

- relationships are a lot like algebra

do you ever look at your X and wonder Y

   yes I know this pun just doesn't add up

- why did the phonologist buy apples at the store last night?

because there were minimal pears.

( I don't understand this but maybe someone smart will and explain it to me )

- omFG ALL WEEK MY DAD HAS BEEN YELLING AT ME ABOUT EATING HIS FRUIT SNACKS AND I PROMISED HIM I WOULDN'T EAT ANY OF THEM AND I WAS IN THE BATHROOM GETTING A 'LADY PRODUCT' AND HE HEARD THE WRAPPER OPENING AND SCREAMED "I KNOW YOU'RE EATING MY FRUIT SNACKS" AND BUSTED THE DOOR OPEN AND GRABBED IT OUT OF MY HAND AND WALKED ALL THE WAY TO HIS ROM BEFORE REALIZING HE TOOK A PAD OUT OF HIS 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER'S HANDS.

                the man just wanted his fruit snacks...

- I like wearing oversized sweaters. not because they're really comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big I get to flop them around and smack people.

I love sleeve smacking people

like flippity flop you need to stop

whippity whap don't talk crap

- if I was a general I'd start every sentence with "generally speaking..."

- what do you call a pair of mugs

a cup-ple

AND NOW FOR THE PUN TO END THIS BLOG OF PUNS

- who's the happiest member of one direction

harry smiles

wow I'm so punderful

really bad puns

By the title of this, you know what this is about.

BAD PUNS FROM ME, TUMBLR ( mostly ), AND A POPTART COMMERCIAL ( pickup line included ).

- how do japanese chihuahuas say hello?

konnichihuahua

- dang girl are you my appendix because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out

- do you think if tumblr opened up a café it would be called yumblr

- what's it called when you shoot someone on Halloween
  
trigger treating

    no its called homicide

        trigger treating

- recent studies show that if lightning is unhappy with conditions at work it goes on strike

- my friend was cold so I told her to stand in the corner

corners are 90 degrees

- what kind of shoes do thieves wear?

sneakers

- when a cop yells "freeze" you can yell back "now everybody clap yo hands" and he is required by law to start clapping or else he will be arrested for treason and possibly deported from the country. ( not a pun but I find this funny )

- can you believe one direction's bones are taking a break before them

- so today this guy this accidentally hit me with the door when he was walking out of a classroom and instead of saying sorry he looked me over and said "pretty cute" and walked away. And then I realized, I literally just got hit on. The pun is greater than the pain.

- are you a child of Apollo cuz you light up my world like nobody else
are you a child of Aphrodite because the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
are you a child of Demeter cuz when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell
are you Percy Jackson cuz you don't know you're beautiful.

- what did the ghost teacher say to the class?
look at the board and I will go through it again

- telekinesis is not a HANDy skill.

wow these are so punny I'm dying.

Okay as you can tell I am very lame because I LOVE PUNS.